MatchMatrix Compatibility Trait | Perfectionist Modifier
Perfectionist Modifier ("The Internal Friction")
The Perfectionist modifier creates a conflict in the person's own personality that puts them at friction with all of their contemporaries. Being a perfectionist also provides a unique source of energy for focus, creativity and success. Only 15% of the population has the Perfectionist modifier. This discussion applies to both men and women.
Challenges of the Perfectionist trait:
If the Perfectionist went straight through school for 12, 16 or 20 years they were in "conflict" with all of their classmates over the entire time. They may have had friends and participated in events, yet they rarely felt like they belonged. They did not fit into their peer group. They were often social misfits and may have been loners. They typically felt more comfortable with older or younger people who were outside the age range of their internal friction.
The emotional disconnect caused by this modifier can be extreme. These people may have few emotional ties with their own gender, and sex may be the primary connection with the opposite gender. The solution for this issue may also be extreme. They need to reframe their relationships with other people to consciously reclaim their place in the human race.
They experience little satisfaction for what they accomplish. Their state of mind is "let's get onto the next thing."
They often prefer to work alone and develop their own techniques for problem solving.
The Perfectionist modifier magnifies the conflicts caused by emotional misalignments in relationships. Conflicts that result from misalignments in the MatchMatrix personality traits can have a much greater impact on the relationship than would normally be expected.
Perfectionists have difficulty letting go of their point of view for the sake of compromise.
The Perfectionist trait can keep a person stuck on a project because nothing is ever good enough for their stamp of approval.
Being so highly committed can also be debilitating. It can cause so much stress as to color every aspect of their life and personality. They become workaholics, leaving little room or time to develop other sides of their personality. If they were to look back into their childhood, they could probably identify a strong commitment and decision they made so long ago that still binds them today. With recognition of their iron-clad childhood commitments, they may discover what is controlling how they function as an adult.
Benefits of the Perfectionist Modifier:
People with this modifier have a powerful drive for success. They are willing to pay the price to create high quality results. They are totally committed to the project at hand and show unequaled tenacity and resiliency.
Their perfectionist nature affects how they work and how they apply themselves to any area of interest. They produce a quality product.
They are emotionally sensitive. They know what it's like to be on the outside socially, so they often develop compassion and understanding. They typically have a strong humanitarian side.
People with the Perfectionist Modifier seem to have built-in radar to connect with other people with this trait. Sharing this trait creates a bonding tie. The bonding effect is significant enough that it can maintain a relationship when there is little else to support it.
The Perfectionist desires to have a partner in their lives but they usually cannot identify what they're looking for in the other person. They are often attracted to people who are not attracted to them and vice versa. They often have multiple marriages and divorces.
Consider the challenge a Perfectionist faces in intimate relationships. During their formative years, they felt disconnected from all of their contemporaries and were confused about how to relate to the world. That model of experience did not change because they fell in love. Their challenge is to find a way to transcend the feeling of separateness, to be able to trust and be committed to the relationship.
People with the Perfectionist modifier will benefit from meeting people in their Matrix group. By providing a high level of compatibility, the Matrix Lifestyle traits will soften the affect of the perfectionist nature they have felt all their lives.
The Perfectionist modifier is randomly distributed throughout MatchMatrix. It is not identified with a specific group in MatchMatrix.
Does your child have the Perfectionist modifier?
Knowing that your child has the Perfectionist modifier will create greater understanding and compassion. This modifier gives your child a unique point of view that may be difficult for you to understand. Here are some suggestions for counseling children about their perfectionist nature:
Encourage them to be friends with older or younger people. Perhaps there are activities that will introduce them to people outside the age range of their contemporaries.
Is there a way to keep them back or have them skip a grade to avoid the age range of the friction? By the time they are ready for college, introduce the idea again of considering a one year break between high school and college to move away from their contemporaries. Being in a new group of people where they are free from the friction will give them a chance to grow, to make new friends, to consciously change the environment to produce new and more rewarding results.
Even if you think it's important for their development, don't push your perfectionist child into activities or social situations where they are uncomfortable. They'll catch up on their own.
Another side of seeing beyond perfectionism is to gently and firmly coach them to stop criticizing themselves for every little real or imagined mistake. They need to know that there are many good ways to accomplish a goal. They can stop pressuring themselves to be perfect.
Tell them to let the past go. Put regrets aside. Whatever decisions they made were for good reasons. They can quit beating themselves up for the past. Teach them to acknowledge the circumstances of the decisions and to focus on new goals and ideas. This may sound like good advice for everyone, however, it applies in a unique way to people with the Perfectionist modifier. They typically want to "fall on the dagger" as their first line of defense.
The Internal Friction is an overriding influence in the person's life. Try to imagine their hypersensitivity if they lack closeness and real communication from one of their parents.
An endless chain of misunderstandings, irritations and conflicts characterize the childhood of a person with this modifier. They can end up blaming and bashing their parents for all misunderstandings.
Help them understand the two sides to being a perfectionist. First, they can turn out a terrific product because of their willingness to get it right at all costs. Second, know when it is time to let something go due to the practicalities of meeting deadlines and living life in the world.
Show them there is a time for fun, for humor and for just laughing and playing. Spontaneous water balloon games on a hot summer day, a surprise snowball fight in the middle of a tedious project can lighten the load on the perfectionist.
|
